Season 5 of Breaking Bad ‘about Crunchy Nut Cornflakes’
As anticipation of the final season of popular US TV series Breaking Bad reaches fever pitch amongst devoted fans, The Marmot has learnt that events are set to take a dramatic turn. The show, created by US network AMC ...Read More
Zimbabwe election ‘not sufficiently corrupt’
Zimbabweans are going to the polls in a fiercely contested election which have been hit by allegations that the vote isn’t ‘sufficiently corrupt’. President Robert Mugabe, noted electoral reformer and all round good guy has amused observers by saying ...Read More
Transplant organs ‘created using human waste’
As Chinese researchers announce that they have managed to make replacement teeth out of urine, The Marmot has learnt that Spanish researchers are close to making replacement organs for transplant out of even more outlandish body waste. Dr Juan ...Read More
Happiness index ‘useless’
A UK-wide survey into the happiness levels of the nation has found ‘small improvements’ in people’s happiness over the last year. However The Marmot has learned that in many parts of the country people are wondering exactly who it ...Read More
Twitter ‘Full of dickheads’
Amid allegations that it needs to do more to protect its users from abuse, Twitter had admitted that the root cause of the issues is that its service is ‘full of dickheads’. “We’ve always had an active dickhead community ...Read More
NHS to end 999 service
A row has broken out over controversial plans by the government to scrap the free 999 service for emergency medical care. Under the new reforms patients requiring urgent treatments in life threatening scenarios will have to call a premium ...Read More
Man caught reading Daily Mail ‘was waiting for prostitute’
A man who was caught by police reading the Daily Mail in his car has claimed that he was actually waiting for a prostitute. Niknak Paddywhack, 39, was initially arrested on suspicion of breaching the peace whilst parked in ...Read More
New Blue Peter presenter revealed
After a nationwide hunt for a new star to host its flagship children’s TV show Blue Peter, the BBC has finally announced who is going to be taking on the most coveted job in television. Known for their squeaky ...Read More
Peter Andre in Rose West love letters shocker
Celebrity culture followers around the UK have been left reeling today by the revelation that Peter Andre has been conducting a steamy postal affair with Rosemary ‘House of Horrors’ West. Sources close to the Australian singer say that Andre, ...Read More
Church ‘after Wonga’
The Archbishop of Canterbury caused widespread surprise today when he announced that the Church of England would attempt to put the online payday lender ‘Wonga’ out of business by starting an operation of their own and out competing them ...Read More