Archbishop Welby

The Archbishop of Canterbury has criticised Conservative ministers for dividing the nation into “scroungers and strivers”.

The Most Rev Justin Welby  said “We are in a poor state of affairs when we see a situation in which millions of normal people are being made to strive very hard indeed just to get a job in the current economic climate, but their efforts are to be lauded.”

“However, there is a blight of scroungers upon this nation in the form of Conservative MPs, placing a drain on our national resources and contributing nothing to society.”


Tristan Concubine’s yacht, ‘Entitlement’

Unemployed Kevin Undercarriage said “The Archbishop is completely right. Since finding myself out of work I’ve been having to strive my arse off just to put food in my children’s mouths by being  essentially forced into slave labour under the Workfare scheme. On the other hand you’ve got all these Tory MPs coming over here, destroying our jobs and milking the system for all they can get.”

Speaking from his yacht ‘Entitlement’, Conservative MP Tristan Concubine countered this argument by pointing out that ‘We literally have to turn up to the occasional debate which can jolly often interfere with one’s lucrative directorships and getting one’s servants to get creative with one’s expenses. And my diamante otter rotation unit is absolutely essential to my constituency duties. I think that’s somewhere near Birmingham, like Berwick or something.’