Prince Harry after forgetting one's sunscreen

Prince Harry after forgetting one’s sunscreen

As Britain enters the second week of its unexpected heatwave, scientists from the Met Office are predicting that the unseasonable heat could last as long as ‘tea time’.

Traditionally the months of July and August see massive rainfall in the UK and are widely regarded as an unofficial ‘monsoon season’. Government officials are thought to preparing themselves for a state of emergency as Britain is ill prepared to deal with temperatures over 8C (250F).

Sales of string vests and handkerchiefs are booming but in typical British fashion there has been no corresponding increase in sun cream sales, leading to a ‘nation of lobsters’ as blatant disregard for the strength of the sun gives way to unpleasant burning and chafing.

Fred Epidermis, head of the Sunburn Advisory Board warns that ‘going anywhere near a leather sofa in this weather could be fatal.’

'Deadly'

‘Deadly’

Meanwhile fears about the unseasonably low numbers of wasps have subsided as people begin to hope that they have ‘fucked off’.