David Cameron has announced plans to get Internet service providers to create filters to prevent ‘objectionable’ search terms from returning any results. He has also suggested that if the web firms do not comply with the request voluntarily then new legislation will be brought in to force them to do so. This is part of Conservative a policy designed to protect children from the ‘horrors of the Internet’.

David Cameron

David Cameron

Margaret Curmudgeonly-Smythe, spokesperson for the Home Office said ‘We would like to see search terms such as ‘The Labour Party’, ‘Convervative donations policy’ and Bullingdon Club vandalism incidents’ bring back zero search terms as we have seen what they return currently and it’s all in very poor taste. In order to discourage these sort of searches we intend to redirect these searches to a picture of Anne Widdicombe in the bath and a message to stop being such a rotter’.

Other search terms thought to be on the block list include ‘fracking tax breaks’, ‘plain cigarette packets’ and inexplicably ‘Morcambe and Wise’.

Martin Shagpile, shadow Home Secretary said ‘It shows how out of touch the Tory party is when they think these search terms will protect our children. If you really want to stop our children coming to harm by blocking search terms then ‘armed forces recruitment’ would be a good place to start’.