JOB INTERVIEWS ‘DESIGNED BY KAFKA’
Following revelations that a university graduate was made to dance to Daft Punk during the interview process for a shop floor job at Currys, The Marmot has learnt that an increasing number of employers are using selection methods that wouldn’t ...Read More
RAIL FARES ‘PAYABLE IN ORGANS’
As commuters face up to the news that they are likely to face an average 4.1% rise in regulated rail fares, train operators have caused uproar by announcing that they will now accept human organs in lieu of payment. ...Read More
PUBS ‘AWESOME’ SAYS EVERYONE
Happiness levels in Britain have reached a new high today as people around the country realise that going to the pub with your mates is in fact ‘mint’. As the week draws to a close millions of Britons are ...Read More
Apple ‘to release iColon’
Technology giant Apple is about to make its first foray into the lucrative world of medical technology this week when it unveils the long awaited iColon. The device is thought to be a new method of aftercare for patients ...Read More
Church ‘after Wonga’
The Archbishop of Canterbury caused widespread surprise today when he announced that the Church of England would attempt to put the online payday lender ‘Wonga’ out of business by starting an operation of their own and out competing them ...Read More
Jane Fonda to be face of new £10 note
Actress and fitness enthusiast Jane Fonda is to feature on the next £10 according to the Bank of England, after a period of absence of women on banknotes. Fonda is pictured in her notorious ‘orgasmatron’ scene from Barbarella on ...Read More
Cameron calls to block ‘disgusting’ web searches
David Cameron has announced plans to get Internet service providers to create filters to prevent ‘objectionable’ search terms from returning any results. He has also suggested that if the web firms do not comply with the request voluntarily then ...Read More
Final of Apprentice to crown ‘Britain’s Biggest Git’
Tonight the final two contestants will battle it out for the honour of being one of Britain’s most objectionable human beings in the final of the BBC’s ‘The Apprentice’. The current series has seen the contestants slowly whittled down ...Read More