The Archbishop of Canterbury caused widespread surprise today when he announced that the Church of England would attempt to put the online payday lender ‘Wonga’ out of business by starting an operation of their own and out competing them in the loans market.Jesus collecting some debts

A spokesman for the church said ‘It seems entirely logical that we should seek to out compete Wonga in the loan business as they only charge 4000% interest, but they only have county court judgements and the threat of bailiffs to threaten non-payers with. We on the other hand have the spectre of eternal damnation and possible crucifixion for those in arrears which should allow us to charge whatever the hell we like.’

There has also been intense speculation about where the church will get the money to start the enterprise after Pope Escobar II today announced that legalisation of drugs was a menace whilst on a tour of South America.

Critics have pointed out that the New Testament makes explicit reference to a tale involving Jesus throwing money lenders out of a temple without reference to him setting up a business of his own.

Reports that the church has enlisted ‘Jaws’ actor Roy Scheider were confirmed today when a spokesman said ‘there’s no-one who knows more about taking down a shark.’