As news that more babies were born in the UK in 2011-12 than any year since 1972 emerges, MI6 are warning that Al-Qaeda are thought to developing ways to capitalise on record numbers of new children.

A Baby Bomber

A Baby Bomber

The Office of National Statistics recorded 813,200 births in the UK, contributing to population growth thought to be the highest in the EU in absolute terms.

Sources close to MI6 are thought to be concerned that Al-Qaeda plan to create hundreds of juvenile suicide bombers by feeding newborns Mentos mints and contaminating infant milk formula with powdered Diet Coke so that they explode violently, but in a cute manner when they are fed.

“We haven’t seen a youth born explosive threat like this since Hitler commissioned the notorious ‘Kinderwaffen’ in 1942,” said Bob Carolgees, Head of Bairn Danger at MI6. “Thankfully we managed to prevent North Korea getting their hands on weapons-grade Scouts recently but the threat from exploding babies is unprecedented.”

Despite the best efforts of the security services a device was detonated over the weekend during feeding time at a nursery in Brussels. Eye witnesses described the aftermath at the scene as being like ‘a shower of nappies and nipples’.

Members of the public are being advised to drop kick babies over the nearest wall and put their fingers in their ears until further notice.