A UK-wide survey into the happiness levels of the nation has found ‘small improvements’ in people’s happiness over the last year. However The Marmot has learned that in many parts of the country people are wondering exactly who it was that got interviewed for that result to occur.



The Office of National Statistics has said that the proportion of people rating their life satisfaction as seven out of ten or more rose from 77% from 75.9% last year.

It is thought that national events such as the introduction of the Bedroom Tax, destruction of the NHS and general cuts to public services relied on by the poorest portions of society have contributed to the increase in perception of happiness.

Sources close to the ONS privately expressed concerns to The Marmot about who was interviewed in this survey.

Speaking on condition of anonymity one source said ‘There were only 29 votes in this survey, all by members of the cabinet, 23 of whom are millionaires. The increase is attributed to all the cuts making it easier for these people to increase their already vast fortunes and help the other 6 make it into the millionaires club.’

Meanwhile it has emerged that fewer and fewer people in the UK have a pot to piss in than ever before and ‘blah blah meh whatever’ levels are at an all time high.