Revellers in London are being warned to take extra care this weekend following an outbreak of the dreaded disco disease ‘Rave Leg’ after a contaminated ‘gypsy-house-crunkstep tear out’ reached critical mass in Dalston.

Rave leg sufferers

Rave leg sufferers

The Centre for Disease Control has estimated that up to 6000 people could be carrying the highly infectious ailment which is thought to be transmitted by wearing garments in an ironic fashion whilst being sandwiched into a shithole selling £6 beers.

Speaking from outside the quarantine zone, Dr Eileen Deadmaus told The Marmot “The symptoms of rave leg vary from person to person, but can include ridiculous walks due to hideous platform shoes, massive tattoos that look like Burt Reynolds on the thigh and a generally refusal to stop dancing even in the face of dubstep mixes of Shania Twain records.”

“If you know someone who is suffering from rave leg, get them away from any source of faux-underground commercial music, big rimmed glasses and anyone who works ‘in media’ and they’ll be fine.”