Monty Panesar

Monty Panesar

England cricket star Monty Panesar has been fined after being caught urinating on bouncers outside Brighton club Shooshh early on Monday morning.

The Marmot has learnt that 31-year-old Monty received a fixed penalty notice from Sussex Police for being drunk and disorderly after the incident.

A spokesman for Panesar said “Basically Monty decided that the outside of the club and the bouncers were his, so it was natural that he ‘scent marked’ them by covering them with his urine in much the same way as a dog or a bear might.”

Panesar is thought to have used similar methods to claim 90% of Arundel and 30% of Hurstpierpoint, also in Sussex.

Sussex County Cricket club has said it is investigating the incident and has not ruled out transferring Panesar to German side CC-GoldenShoweren who have previously expressed an interest.

The incident has taken the rest of the England team by surprise as they’ve become accustomed to benefitting from surprise showers rather than being penalised by them after winning the Ashes due to a rained off match.