As the European Court of Human rights rule that full-life tariffs for murderers breach their human rights, it has emerged that killing someone also breaches their human rights.

Murderers such as Peter Moore, Jeremy Bamber and Douglas Vintner serving ‘whole-life sentences’ have been told that this amounts to “inhuman and degrading treatment” because they cannot have their sentence reviewed at any point.

However, people of moderate intelligence around Europe are quick to point out that being stabbed and or shot fatally could, under some circumstances breach a person’s right to not be fucking murdered. To date there have been no known cases of murder victim’s ‘deceased’ status being reviewed after the 25 year limit which Strasbourg-based ECHR judges have deemed to be the maximum appropriate review window for murderers.


European Court of Human Rights

Murder victim Walter Wall, speaking via ouija board said: “As someone who got killed through no fault of their own I find it frankly appalling that no-one has reviewed the decision for me to be dead as a dodo despite 30 years having elapsed. It’s like life without parole. Except I’m dead. Fucking dead!

TV producers plan to capitalise on the wacky antics of the ECHR judges by creating a new reality TV show called ‘Judges Say The Funniest Things’.