Happiness levels in Britain have reached a new high today as people around the country realise that going to the pub with your mates is in fact ‘mint’.

Pubs. Awesome.

Pubs. Awesome.

As the week draws to a close millions of Britons are seizing the chance to throw of the corporate shackles of oppression and hit the pub at the first possible opportunity.

Bodie Anddoyle, 27, said “I spend the bulk of my week as a wage slave in a call centre which basically resembles the seventh tier of Dante’s Inferno. I am surrounded by bellends who actually manage to feign enthusiasm whilst selling £500 anti-bingo wing spray to old ladies on tick.”

“So when Friday comes around, I like nothing better than hitting the pubs with my peeps. They are all dickheads too, but crucially, they are my kind of dickheads and I actually pay to spend time with them rather than being given danger money to avoid vomiting bile all over the miserable wastes of oxygen I share my office with.”

The average weekly wage in the UK allows a typical couple to spend up to 34 minutes in the pub before their feet get repossessed.

In the interests of editorial balance The Marmot contacted Stephen Hardlabour, chairman of the CBI for a quote from a boss’s perspective.

‘Laugh it up fuckers because we’re going to be installing treadmills in your beloved pubs so you can still be productive generating electricity whilst you pour artery clogging detritus from my good friends at Diageo into your hideous pie holes.’