Gromit

Amid allegations that his new ultra violent thriller is a ‘triumph of style over substance’, it has emerged that Ryan Gosling is in fact a stop-motion animated cardboard cut out.

Gosling shot to fame in the neo-noir ultra violent thriller ‘Drive’, playing a character with limited emotional range who didn’t say much. Not wanting to be typecast in ‘Only God Forgives’, Gosling insisted his character’s dialogue be sparse and gave a stoic interpretation of his character’s emotional state, whilst covered in marginally more blood than he was in ‘Drive’.

“The cut out is based on an artist’s rendering of a 60s stunt actor called Butch Felchman”, said Nick Park, an animator best known for his groundbreaking work with Wallace and Gromit.

“We went through 600 of the cutouts during shooting as fake blood plays havoc with the character models, leaving you with something that looks somewhere between Mr Blobby in a heat wave and a giant used tampon.”

Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling

“Since watching his performance as a man of few words in ‘Gangster Squad’, we knew we were up against it, but it turns out he’s remarkably similar to Gromit in many ways.”

Reports that Gosling is scheduled to appear in a dark remake of ‘The Wrong Trousers’ could not be confirmed.