Tyson Gay Definitely Not On Drugs

Tyson Gay Definitely Not On Drugs

The athletics world has been rocked by the news of a failed drugs test for ex-world champion Tyson Gay and former world record holder Asafa Powell.

The Marmot has learnt that the two 100m sprinters failed the test after their primary sample did not contain sufficient levels of performance enhancing drugs, scoring only 15% on the so called ‘Ben-Johnson-O-Meter’. A score of 90% has been mandatory since the mid 1990s.

An IOC official said ‘A test results of 15% indicates something like a strong cup of coffee, whereas the new threshold of 90% is akin to necking a barrel of PCP. If you want fast times it is a no-brainer.”

It is widely thought that the duo will attempt to blame the test result on a mislabelled food supplement. British sprinter Marmaduke Spackfoot, banned in 2004 following a failed test said “I know how easy it is to fail a drugs test because of dodgy labelling. I bought a supplement called ‘Pure, Uncut Cocaine’ which later turned out to be broccoli, and I failed the test because I wasn’t off my tits, I just had good vitamin C and fibre levels in my diet.'”

The substance they tested positive for, Oxilofrine, is thought to have come from tainted Oxo cubes.

Oxo cubes

Oxo cubes

30-year-old Powell was the last man to hold the individual 100m record before compatriot Usain Bolt broke it in 2008, running the distance in 3.2 seconds.

In further developments, Tyson Gay has been dropped by his sponsor, Adidas. Industry observers are said to think that a future plimsoll deal with Dunlop might be on the cards.