The cannon Luis Suarez is to be fired out of

The cannon Luis Suarez is to be fired out of

As legal representatives for Liverpool striker Luis Suarez ponder possible legal action against the club in his ongoing transfer saga, club officials have said he can go anywhere he likes as long as he travels there by being ‘fired out of a cannon’.

Following a bid from rivals Arsenal Suarez is attempting to rely on a verbal amendment to his contract which stated that he could leave if a number of conditions were met:

  • Liverpool FAIL TO QUALIFY for the Champions’ League
  • A bid of ¬£40m or over was recieved
  • ROBERT MUGABE won re-election in Zimbabwe
  • The original lineup of the SUGABABES reformed.

It is thought that the dispute centres over whether the current ‘MKS’ pop project counts as reformation of the Sugababes as despite being the same people, they are performing under a different name.

Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers said “The fact that someone could be paid as much as Suarez is and then get a lip on about it boggles the mind. So we have attempted to come up with a novel and apt solution. If he wants to join the Gunners that’s fine, but we are going to get the biggest cannon we can find and fire the fucker there.”

Luis Suarez covering his ears in preparation for being fired out of a cannon

Luis Suarez covering his ears in preparation for being fired out of a cannon