A Trident submarine

The Guardian has reported that the Ministry of Defence is proposing keeping the Scottish naval base Faslane, home of the Trident nuclear deterrent as sovereign UK territory if Scotland vote for independence.

A government source told The Mamot “basically we can’t allow a scenario in which nuclear weapons fall into the hands of a rogue state such as Scotland.”

“We perceive an independent Scotland to be a clear and present threat to British security as part of the ‘Axis of Irn-Bru’ in conjunction with a state-agnostic terrorist dream-team consisting of nothing but ginger psycopaths from around the northen hemisphere.”


A haggis being launched


“MI6 have particular fears that they plan to develop new weapons of mass destruction, including deep-fried plutonium and intercontinental ballistic haggis.”

Downing Street was quoted as saying that keeping the base part of the UK was “not credible, but there again neither was Andy Murray winning Wimbledon and look what happened.”